Friday Nasiha

Living The Quran

Matrimonial Relations
Al Nisa (The Women) - Chapter 4: Verse 34

"Men are supporters of wives because God has given some of them an advantage over others and because they spend of their wealth. So the ones who are in accord with morality are the ones who are morally obligated, the ones who guard the unseen of what God has kept safe. But those whose resistance you fear, then admonish them and abandon them in their sleeping place, then go away from them; and if they obey you, surely look not for any way against them; truly God is Lofty, Great."

In the light of other verses of the Quran, the collective injunctions of Shariah and the overall Prophetic ideals and traditions, Sunnah, we find that the real spirit of the matrimonial relations is shaped by the sentiments of “affection” and “compassion” and the obligations of “patronage”, so that the governing factors in such relations are “affection, compassion and benevolence.”

Care

The Arabic word "qawwamun", with its preposition "'ala" which describes the relation of men to women in the above verse, does not imply any superiority, but simply means "taking full care of". The distinctiveness between men and women is related to the woman's pregnancy, delivery, and nursing, which make it necessary that the man should have the responsibility to provide for her needs and the needs of the children, at least when she is hindered with such a distinctive natural function of reproduction. This hindrance is not permanent, and it cannot be a reason to keep the women at home all her life, and neither does it hinder her intellectual and psychological merits. She is not supposed to bear children or raise them all her life, and at a certain age children have to go to school.

Reconciliation

The issue of “chastisement” strongly arises a problem to the structures of the family and human relations and receives exceptional interests because it is referred to in this Quranic text (by almost all translators) and because its historical and traditional interpretations were purported by most people to denote slap, flap, flog, beat, strike, punch, etc.

This would definitely involve a strong sense of pain and humiliation regardless of the extent of the physical suffering itself which may vary, according to some fatawa, around few strokes with a siwak (tooth cleansing) stick or the like, as rendered by Abdullah b. Abbas in responding to an inquiry regarding the construal of the “mild chastisement.”  On the other hand, we find some fatawa regulate “chastisement” so that it must not exceed forty strokes, and “no retribution between man and his wife (in regard to chastisement) except for wounds and murder.”

Considering the context and situation, the purpose of reconciliation, the Islamic doctrine of human sanctity and dignity, the right of self-determination in Islam, the consensual nature of the nuptial association, and the ability of nuptial partners to gracefully dissolve such association without coercion or intimidation, the denotation of daraba in this citation cannot imply the infliction of injury, pain or disgrace. The most candid construal is to imply separation, departure, partition or seclusion.

This type of arrangement, where the spouses leave each other for some time, would help to streamline the bitter relationship because it is a step that goes farther than admonishing and refusing to share bed. Now, the spouses will have ample opportunity to rethink the whole situation, to ponder the eventual consequences, and to realize the inevitable conclusion of rejection, namely, divorce.  At this point, they will have a full chance to re-examine their intent and conduct and to decide whether they want this threshold of separation to be a lasting state!

Compiled From:
"Chastising Women: A Means to Resolve Marital Problems?" - AbdulHamid A. Abu Sulayman 
"The Subime Quran" - Laleh Bakhtiar
"Are women created only for family life?" - Fathi Osman

From Issue: 666 [Read original issue]

Understanding The Prophet's Life

Delivered in Full

The Prophet (peace be upon him) was fully aware of what his role as God's Messenger involved. In his comprehensive speech during his farewell pilgrimage, he outlined to the people the main principles of Islam: highlighting aspects of action that needed to be adhered to or avoided. Those who went with him on that pilgrimage numbered up to 250,000, and he ensured that they were all aware of what he said. Several times during that speech, he asked his audience: "Have I delivered my message?" They answered: "Yes, you most certainly have." He then said: "My Lord, be my witness." [Muslim]

The fact that his message has survived, intact, for fourteen centuries is the best evidence that he has delivered it in full. This message is certain to survive to the end of time because God has guaranteed to keep the Quran free of distortion for as long as humans continue to populate the earth.

Compiled From:
"Muhammad: His Character and Conduct" - Adil Salahi

From Issue: 962 [Read original issue]

Cool Tips!

Sense of Humour

One of the best things you can do for yourself when you fail is to learn to laugh. I love the comment made by a humourist who said he spoke for an organization where they always rated the previous meeting's speaker in their program using little bells. Speakers who received a standing ovation got four bells next to their name. Those who were above average got three. Merely average speakers got two bells, and poor speakers got one. The humourist said that when he spoke to them several months ago, they awarded him the no-bell prize.

There isn't a person alive who wouldn't benefit from a good laugh, especially when he's done something really stupid. When you take your mistakes too seriously, then everything seems to become life-and-death. When that happens, you sure die a lot. The way to solve that is to keep your sense of humour no matter how bad things get.

Compiled From:
"The Difference Maker" - John C. Maxwell, p. 156

From Issue: 751 [Read original issue]